Gender is a Matter of What You Have and What You Don't Have Down There
by mimikaito52
Summary: Tomi Yukimura is out for revenge! She is going to destroy the Shinsengumi from within. However, Tomi is suddenly faced with a seemingly insurmountable challenge the second she arrives... Contains the Gintama humour we all know and love.


_Brother, I hope you're happy wherever you are now. Seeing your little sister try to finish your last life's mission must at least bring you some sort of happiness._

A pair of scissor cut through a thicket of lengthily black hair.

_I know it's pointless to try to explain why I'd do this for you. We've only been talking through letters for the past eight years. Yet, big brother, I feel as though this was the last message you were trying to communicate to this world._

The strands of hair floated to the ground, forming a spiral of dark threads.

_Therefore, I will not let your reckless spirit die._

A hand searched the fractured table for a stack of bandages. Beside the wooden table was a closed white closet—bordering on pale ginger from the stains rising from the bottom like intermittent flames—with one beige door hanging off its hinges. Hanging off the handle was a strangely immaculate black uniform outlined with gold along the edges of the collar and sleeves and along the hem of the shining jacket.

_Not until I destroy the one thing you sought to destroy most._

Tightly, a pair of hands tugged the bandages around a chest until the bindings squeaked in protest.

_I will destroy the Shinsengumi._

* * *

"Attention men!" a burly tanned man boomed. The entire training room fell silent in a second. The man folded his arms. He raised his brown eyes to meet all of their expectant ones. "Today we will be having a new member join the Shinsengumi," there was a slight murmur of despair, "now, now, I won't be having that. We must welcome all new members of the Shinsengumi with open arms. Who knows, we might even be looking at a future boss right now!"

The murmur from the crowd of men donned in dark uniforms died down, save for one audible, "Tch."

"This young man here goes by the name Tomi Yukimura," Kondou Isao announced just as the new member bowed politely.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all," Tomi said graciously.

She raised her head. _Egocentric bastards._

"Well, I'll leave the rest to you, Yukimura-kun!" Kondou slammed his meaty hand on her back. She flinched. The corner of her brown eyes teared up imperceptibly. "Now, if I could have someone teach him the basics,"—a light haired young man raised his hand—"besides Sougo."

Tomi shifted on her feet. She felt something slip on her back. It was unwinding around her armpit. It rounded her chest, giving her a sense of larger breathing capacity.

Something was definitely coming undone under her shirt.

_M-my binding! _She widened her eyes. Kondou was busily selecting a teacher for Tomi and didn't notice her sudden stooped over posture. _H-how hard can a human being hit? I have to get out of here, before anyone notices anything, especially, _she examined the room of police officers, each with their own swords or bazookas, _with such a dire consequence if I'm caught._

"C-c-commander, eh…may I be excused?"

* * *

"Damn bastard," Tomi muttered in the men's cubicles. She tied the bandage around her chest with renewed vigour, double-checking it was impossible to become loose like that ever again. _But in the end, that was my fault. I've never had to bind my chest before. I should have prepared beforehand. Another silly mistake like that might cost my life, _she gulped. _But, on the bright side, I never figured I would have made it this far into the Shinsengumi headquarters…this would be like a dream come true for my brother, _Tomi pushed open the toilet door.

_It smells like piss though,_ she breathed out of her mouth.

To be honest, the room wasn't the cleanest by any means. The walls were tinted with age and the paint peeling in one corner. The bottom of the walls that connected with the tiled floor were all tinted a repulsive rusty colour.

She couldn't complain though. Her home wasn't much better. After being the habitual resting place of a few fugitives here and there, the place had naturally fallen in to a state of degradation to fit the bill of a safe house. Mending it had been pointless, considering nobody would ever return there after her brother's death. It had actually become something of a graveyard for Tomi, in the unbearably thick silence of mourning. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she had undertaken the task of infiltrating the Shinsengumi in the first place.

Tomi crossed towards the urinals, observing them in disdain. _You'd think they'd practice proper hygiene in these parts. _

The door to the men's toilets opened.

"So this is where you've been, Yukimura-kun!" Kondo observed. He looked at the urinal Tomi stood in front of. "Just about to start your business?"

Tomi blinked. "Eh?"

"Then I just might join you," Kondo concluded, standing beside Yukimura. He rocked on to the balls of his feet whilst he unzipped.

_Huh? Huh?_

_Huuuuuuuuuuuuh?_

"Ah…" Kondo tilted his head back.

_What the hell are you doing? I-is he doing…? That's disgusting! You don't do that in front of a girl!_

"It's been hot these past few days."

Tomi gaped.

Kondo blinked, before staring at Tomi. "What's wrong?"

_D-does he want me to join him?_

"Huh? Nothing!" Tomi turned, pulling the zipper of hers down.

_Wh-what am I supposed to do now? I don't know how to pee like a guy! Is it even possible? Can I even pee like that? _Tomi began to sweat. _I don't have…I don't have what it takes!_

Tomi stared at her hands. She stared at Kondo.

_Am I supposed to pretend like…_

_Am I supposed to pretend to hold something?_

Silently, Tomi created fists out of hands and placed them one after another above her unzipped pants.

"You don't need to be nervous about your first day here," Kondo informed her. "The Shinsengumi is a very talented workforce and as long as you do your best, you'll be fine."

_Sooner or later he's going to notice I'm just standing here. What the hell do I do? I don't have…I don't have…_

Lightning struck behind her.

_A Tower of Babel!_

_C-calm down, To-Tomi…you can't give up when you've gone so far…you've made it within the Shinsengumi HQ after all. Giving up at these difficult odds would be unforgivable._

"Th-that's very kind of you, Commander. I-I'll try my best!"

_I need to get out of here._

_If I just…if I just zip up slowly and walk away…everything will be fine as long as he doesn't look my way. His eyes are closed right now, just lift the zip slowly._

"Having trouble?" Kondo frowned.

Tomi froze.

"I've noticed for a while you've just been standing there trembling." _Curses! I'm screwed, I'm done for!_

Tomi narrowed her coffee-coloured eyes in concentration. _Sh-should I just kill him? He's unarmed and I have my sword right by my waist. The windows are small, but I think I could crawl out and run before somebody sounds the alarm._

_"_It's not that you don't want to…but rather you can't, am I right?"

Yukimura widened her eyes.

Grudgingly, she dropped her hands to her sides.

_I've been fully caught out, _she gritted her teeth.

It was only a matter of who could draw their sword out the fastest. Tomi knew his holster was completely empty, but that wasn't to say he didn't have a weapon tucked away somewhere. A knife or a gun perhaps.

Kondo gazed expectantly.

_Is he challenging me?_

Tomi placed a hand on the handle of her sword.

_I may not be the fastest. And he may be stronger than me…but if I'm to die now, in this filthy toilet, who is to say I can't take the great Commander of the Shinsengumi, Kondo Isao, down with me?_

Tomi slowly tightened her grip. _Wait for me in heaven, big brother…I'll be visiting you soon._

The Commander lowered his head and smiled. "Then that's it then, huh?"

He placed a hand in his pocket. Something flashed.

_A gun!_

Tomi prepared to swing her sword.

Kondo threw something orange towards her. She attempted to catch it with her left hand but it only brushed up against the plastic. She took her right hand off her sword to collect it.

She lifted it to read the label.

Kondo zipped up and gave her a thumbs-up sign. "You should feel relief after 2 to 3 days," he said coolly.

Tomi straightened, reading the label more closely just as Kondo moved past her towards the door.

As the door closed behind him, Tomi placed one hand on a nearby wall shakily. She bent her head, examining the pills.

"K-Kondo-san," her neck wilted. She wiped her eyes with the back of her other hand.

The bottle of pills for Urinary Tract Infection shook in her hand.

"_D-do your best."_


End file.
